I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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