yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
