Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
