Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
