yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
