You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
