So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
