if you like me you must not know who I am
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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