Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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