He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
