one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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