So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
