People in love make me want to vomit
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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