Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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