dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize