so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
