All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize