idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize