I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
