shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
