Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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