I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize