Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How does it feel to date your dad?
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