drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
