My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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