also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
