his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When are your genitals available?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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