dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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