i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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