Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
