Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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