Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
