Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
