im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
