How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
