plz talk dirty to me
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think a kid would responsible me up
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
