Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
