I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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