Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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