haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
where are you?
Hypothermia
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
