I hate your face
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You need Xanax blowdarts
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
