Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it's like iHOP with fire
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
