just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
