its not stalking. its research.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
