omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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