so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
