Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
