If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
