you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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