YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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