i jhust puked up my retainher.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
