It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dignity is for republicans.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
