Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
