How'd it feel making her break her religion?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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