The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize