it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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