Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
