sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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