I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
