I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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