When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
is wine microwaveable?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
