i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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