its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
why didn't you poke me back
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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