there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Farmville is her only friend.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
